An unexpected posting mood has taken me
Avowed is almost finished downloading. I thought I would be excited about finally playing it, but instead I just feel drained. I feel like another videogame will not be a good use of my time.
I used to love videogames. They were my favorite hobby as a kid, and I've had many beautiful experiences delving into RPGs. But looking at the Avowed download on 99% completion, I really just feel like it can only take my time away from something else I love. My knitting basket sits on the floor beside my computer. I have a pile of quilting squares waiting for me to finish cutting them out. I have TTRPGs waiting on me to finish writing for them. All wonderful things that only fill my cup, no matter which way it falls. They connect me to people, something I find difficult to achieve with videogames. I can do multiplayer, but there's nothing produced by it. I didn't add to the world.
I do think that it's okay for videogames to be a personal and unproductive experience in their own way, because we can't and shouldn't always be productive. But lately when something launches, I just wonder why I'm spending my time on it.
I spent my entire day today trying to figure out why a game based on a Minecraft conversion mod wouldn't run smoothly. I got a huge headache for my troubles and no progress. It was ideally something I could play with friends, but now I'm not sure. I was excited by the idea of approaching this particular game and mastering it, but a combination of hardware and software conflicts I don't fully understand will probably prevent me from doing it the way I wanted: with a metric assload of mods, and alongside my pals who also want a metric assload of mods.
I'm not sure if I'm having fun with these anymore, and I remember a time when I didn't notice their absence. I only got back into gaming because a Dark Souls lore retrospective alerted me to the impending arrival of Elden Ring, allowing me to close a seven year gap on Fromsoft game mastery. After Elden Ring, I almost played everything I ever wanted to all at once. I had many good times.
I don't think I would have any regrets if I put videogames down for an extended period. Maybe this post is my goodbye. It meets a certain need for the kind of concentration that regulates me, but I can access that with extremely detailed hands on projects. Maybe I'll do it. All I have to do is choose something else to do!!!
Honestly, you could just play Disco Elysium and forget about the rest of videogames forever. Play Disco Elysium, you bastards.